Heck If I Know What To Call This
by apollodoria14
Summary: I want you guys to read this for me. It won't take too much time, it's still experimental... It's supposed to be a romance, but I haven't gotten to that part yet... RA and other pairings! Pls RR, though I hope to finish it (whether you like it or not) . T


Heck If I Know What to Call This  
  
Timeline: undefined (alternate universe-ish)  
  
Heck If I Know What to Call This  
  
A Saotome-Tendo Love Story  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this work are the creation of Rumiko  
Takahashi and are used without permission.  
  
Chapter One:  
  
Quietly, quietly. The wind trembled through the air. A pair of eyes snapped open and a nimble head swiveled to face the horizon. Strange.  
  
There was something there.  
  
Through widening eyes he watched a bright line materialize and the clouds rapidly change texture. Soon, the sky was a deep, fiery gold. It struck something within him, a chord that told him that he should run. Fast. Now. Intently, he kept his sight glued to the horizon, a frantic beat drumming itself into his heart.  
  
A shrill cry filled the air, breaking the strangled silence as a huge ball of fire bore upon the earth, slowly consuming everything in sight. Light was shed on the ground, slowly eating up to the spot where he sat. Frozen to the spot, he stared transfixed at the light. All of sudden, he was hit.  
  
Raising his arm to his eyes to shield him from the blinding brightness...the world came alive.  
  
Ranma-kun, get up. Breakfast is ready.  
  
"The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there's money to be  
made..."  
  
"You IDIOT! How could you do this?"  
  
"Ranma, prepare to die!"  
  
"Saotome-kun! You cheated!!!"  
  
"Mwer?"  
  
Ranma-kun?  
  
"Ranma, I shall smite thee!"  
  
"Ran-chan, I made you some special okonomiyaki..."  
  
"Ranma... Marry Shampoo now!"  
  
"Ranma-sama... Ohohohohohohohohoho!"  
  
Oh, dear. Here Akane, try to wake him up will you? I think the tea is going to boil over anytime now.  
  
"Saotome Ranma, do you take Tendo Akane to be your wife, to love and  
to hold, in sickness and in health...  
  
'til death do you part......?"  
  
BANG! "Ranma, get up! We're going to be late for school."  
  
"Mmmph... Akane..."  
  
Akane stiffened. Ranma's eyelids fluttered open. "Go away and let me get some sleep..."  
  
She smirked. "Having a nice dream?"  
  
Ranma popped out of bed as though burned. "KE! Heck no. It was a bad nightmare... Ick." He shuddered for effect before walking out of the room and into the bathroom, running a hand across his eyes.  
  
Akane got up, made a face at Ranma's back, and walked down the stairs. She glanced at the clock.  
  
Twenty 'til eight.  
  
Ranma's voice floated from the bathroom, "I hope you didn't cook breakfast!"  
  
"You aren't that lucky!"  
  
"You call scarfing down poison lucky?"  
  
Darn Ranma! She walked into the dining room, undeniably stung by Ranma's usual curtness. She wasn't going to take it this morning.  
  
"I'm going to be late again and it's all because of that stupid idiot!" She said, grabbing her book bag and picking up her shoes. "I don't want to spend the whole morning holding up water buckets again. Tell him I've gone ahead."  
  
Kasumi looked up from the table. "What about breakfast?"  
  
"No time, got to rush! Bye!"  
  
A block away from the house, Akane slowed down and pulled up her sleeve to check on her watch. It was still early. She sighed. Stupid Ranma, he made her so mad she couldn't help but act on impulse. She should have waited for him, now she had to walk to school alone. I have got to learn to be more patient.  
  
Ranma walked into the dining room and looked around. "Where's Akane?"  
  
"She went ahead. She said that she didn't want to be late again."  
  
"—what?" He grabbed his bag and picked up his shoes, glanced at the table with a fleeting look of longing for the good Kasumi cooking spread out. He sighed, "I've got to go," and rushed out of the house.  
  
Genma grumbled something through a mouthful of food.  
  
"I would never have imagined Ranma missing breakfast." Soun said in half- amazement as he picked up rice with his chopsticks.  
  
Kasumi hid a smile behind her hand just as the telephone rang.  
  
"I'll get it."  
  
I shouldn't have missed breakfast. He thought as his stomach rumbled. Darn Akane, she made him forget himself sometimes. About two blocks away, he caught sight of a dark-haired girl in a Furinkan uniform and ran to catch up with her.  
  
"Aka..." Ranma trailed off as he stared at the girl.  
  
"Ranma-sama!" Kodachi beamed up at him.  
  
"What are you wearing?!"  
  
"Doesn't it please you? I've moved to Furinkan so I can spend more time with my darling Ranma." She hugged him tightly. "Ohohohohohohohoho..." She breathed happily.  
  
"Lemme go, you..." He trailed away again as he caught sight of a scowling Akane walking toward him. How could he have passed her?  
  
Ranma cringed inwardly as Akane brushed past them coldly, walking to school so fast that it was probably breaking some sort of record.  
  
He pried himself out of Kodachi's grip and raced after Akane.  
  
"Wait up!" Ranma called out, which only made her walk faster. He caught up with her anyway, grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop. "What is wrong with you this morning?"  
  
"You!"  
  
"What did I do?!"  
  
"Almost making me late for school AGAIN and, and for fondling with that girl in PUBLIC!" She yelled.  
  
Ranma's brows slashed together in a frown, not understanding her anger and lashing back instinctively. "You're jealous, is that it?" He challenged.  
  
"Why you...!"  
  
SLAP! Her open palm cracked across his cheek loudly.  
  
Akane looked away, her mouth set in a grim line. She turned, picked up her bag, and walked to school, desperately trying to stop her hands from shaking.  
  
Ranma just watched her walk away, his hand on his stinging cheek.  
  
***  
  
Patience, Akane moaned inwardly, patience is a virtue. Daaaaaaaarnit! I shouldn't have lost my temper. I shouldn't have made a scene in public. Kodachi always glomps Ranma like that.... right? But how come he doesn't get out of her hugs right away? Why does he have to linger like that? Daaaaaarn him!  
  
Ranma stared at a blank piece of paper on his desk. The professor's droning barely penetrated his ears. Tap, tap, tap. Hiroshi was tapping his pencil on the desk. Ranma glanced at him, but somebody next to Hiroshi caught his attention. Akane. Ranma sighed. You don't understand me. We can never get along. He started as Akane glanced up and caught his eyes. She looked away before he did. He looked back at his desk trying to hide his reddening cheeks. Picking up his pencil he wrote:  
  
Akane,  
  
I'm sorry.  
  
Ranma  
  
Crumpling up the piece of paper, he slipped it into his pocket and sighed again. Ranma looked at Akane who was staring sleepily at the board. Taking the note out of his pocket, he thought about it for a minute before reluctantly lobbing it into the air. He watched it plop neatly onto Akane's desk.  
  
She picked up the paper, uncrumpled it, and read. Ranma nervously watched her eyes skim the paper. He sighed as Akane turned away to face out the window.  
  
Akane smiled out the window, feeling oddly happy. It was strange because it reminded her of what she used to feel whenever she was with Dr. Tofu. That same old tingly fuss because of a little note... from Ranma.  
  
"Who woulda thunk?" She quoted to herself. Surely it couldn't be wrong to like your own fiancé. She beamed happily and sighed. Maybe having Ranma as a fiancé wasn't so bad...  
  
***  
  
I hate him, Akane thought angrily. Not more than two seconds after class was dismissed, before she had a chance to thank Ranma for his note, there were already two girls groveling for his attention. Patience, she seethed. Patience, Akane... She took a deep breath to calm herself, decided it didn't help and stormed out of the classroom banging the door behind her.  
  
"Akane-san!" A teacher exclaimed in surprise.  
  
"Gomen..." Akane muttered before stalking to her next class. Stupid, idiot, baka! We'll never get along, even if we do end up married. He just doesn't understand me...  
  
Great. Ranma stared balefully at Akane's retreating back. Just perfect. Absolutely swell-dandy-fine.  
  
"Ranma-sama! I brought you some cookies. Don't they look delectable? I made them myself." Kodachi batted her lashes up at him. Ranma eyed the cookies suspiciously. "Uh, I'll pass..." he muttered as he pushed past her to catch up with Akane.  
  
"Ran-chan, would you like to have lunch with me later?" Ukyo asked him coyly.  
  
"Uh, what? ...ok." He said distractedly craning his head, trying to find Akane. He saw her slam her locker shut and frown at the difficult lock.  
  
When he reached her, she was rattling the lock desperately, trying to get her key out.  
  
"Do you need some help?"  
  
Akane stiffened. "No thank you." She gritted out, not looking at him.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
With a powerful yank she finally wrestled the key out of the lock, threw Ranma a semi-triumphant look and started to walk away. Ranma caught up and walked beside her.  
  
She threw him a sidelong look. "Are you stalking me?"  
  
Ranma glanced at her. "Uh, Akane. Reminding you that we live in the same house and are in the same school and have all our classes together and--"  
  
"It was a joke." She cut him off dryly.  
  
He winced.  
  
Nice going.  
  
"Hey Akane..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you want to have lunch with me?"  
  
Akane gave him an odd look. "Uh, sure."  
  
"Great!" Ranma hustled to his seat the moment they entered the classroom, cursing himself for stirring up that awkward moment. He slapped his hand to his forehead. What was he thinking? They had lunch together practically every day. Groaning inwardly, he knocked his head against the table.  
***  
  
Akane dropped her bag beside her desk and went to join her friends who were huddled together by the door.  
  
"Hey guys," she sighed.  
  
Yuka, a pretty brown-haired girl, smiled at Akane. "Hi Akane."  
  
"Oh, by the way, I have something for you." Junko grinned sheepishly at Yuka and pulled out a thin book.  
  
Yuka snatched it from Junko and scowled. "So this is where my math book went! Did you know I failed that exam because of you?"  
  
"What? You failed?" Kimiko groaned. "I copied all my answers from you!"  
  
When their laughter wound down, Junko looked at Akane in concern. "Are you alright Akane? You seem a little distracted." She said, adding a wealth of meaning to the last word.  
  
"Yeah," Kimiko said. "You left class pretty quickly earlier."  
  
"Shall I cut to the chase? Is it Ranma again?" Yuka interjected.  
  
Akane smiled weakly. "He's been acting strange."  
  
"What kind of 'strange'?" Kimiko inquired. "I thought Ranma was always strange."  
  
"Well, he wrote me a note. He doesn't write notes." She dug in her pocket and showed them the note discreetly, turning her back to Ranma. "And he doesn't apologize. Well, not often, at least. And I admit that I blew it out of proportion. Sort of. Oh, and I slapped him. ("Oooh," the girls winced in unison.) So he shouldn't be apologizing in the first place."  
  
"That's it?" Junko asked.  
  
"Oh, and he walked me to class. And asked me to lunch."  
  
"Whoa." Junko said.  
  
"That is definitely not Ranma-ish," Kimiko nodded.  
  
"But Ranma isn't always Ranma-ish is he?" Yuka said quietly.  
  
"No, I would say Ranma is always Ranma-ish." Akane sighed dramatically. "Unfortunately."  
  
Yuka and Kimiko laughed behind their hands at this. Junko, however, looked thoughtful. "Maybe he's under a spell."  
  
Akane thought of Happossai, Kodachi, Kuno, Gosunkugi, Shampoo, Cologne, Mousse, and a collection of other people that might to such a thing. She glanced at Ranma and her brow furrowed as she watched him banging his head against the table periodically between sneezes. The other girls followed her look and tittered.  
  
"That actually makes sense."  
  
"That would certainly explain it all." Yuka grinned.  
  
"Oh, come on," Kimiko scoffed. "Spells, potions, curses, they just don't happen anymore. It's not ordinary."  
  
Junko smirked. "Well, he is Ranma after all. And Ranma isn't ordinary."  
  
"Unfortunately." Akane wistfully muttered to herself as the bell rang and they all settled in their seats.  
  
***  
  
Akane was rattling her lock once again after class when Junko came up to her.  
  
"Hey Akane, I've got another theory for Ranma's strange behavior."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Maybe he likes you."  
  
"Ha! Trust me, him being under a spell is much more believable than that."  
  
"No, think about it. Seriously. It makes sense."  
  
"I think that you're just a sucker for happy endings."  
  
"Don't you want him to like you?"  
  
Hiroshi came up to them. "Junko! You promised you'd help me with that thing I'm having a problem with."  
  
Junko looked up at him blankly. "What thing?"  
  
"You know, our project for, um, home economics."  
  
"But Hiroshi... You're a boy. You don't take home economics."  
  
"Just come with me, OK?" Hiroshi blushed and dragged a very confused Junko away.  
  
"Talk to you later Akane!" Junko called.  
  
Akane stared after them, forgetting her uncooperative lock for the moment.  
  
"Hey," Somebody said softly at her ear. She crashed against the row of lockers in her surprise. It was Ranma.  
  
"What?" Akane grumbled crossly.  
  
Ranma's expression went from mild to annoyed. "We're having lunch together. Right?"  
  
Akane blushed. "I forgot." She gave him an apologetic smile. He nodded in return.  
  
"S'ok."  
  
"Akane," Hiroshi butted in once again, winded from having run down the hall. "I need your help."  
  
She looked at him in surprise, "With what?"  
  
Hiroshi swallowed, glancing tersely at Ranma, "For our project in home economics."  
  
Fortunately, Akane got the point a lot quicker than Junko had. She looked at Ranma apologetically, "You go ahead, I'll be right there."  
  
He nodded, throwing Hiroshi a suspicious look before turning to leave.  
  
***  
  
Ranma was sitting on the ground with his lunch when Ukyo plopped down beside him. "Hey Ran-chan, I prepared you lunch. It's something new I whipped up specially for you."  
  
He closed his eyes briefly in dread. Oh no. I'm dead. Akane's going to kill me. "Uh, can I try it some other time?"  
  
"But you promised you would have lunch with me," She pouted.  
  
He blinked in surprise, never having seen Ukyo pout before, and recovered with a sigh. "Ucchan, today is not really a good day for me."  
  
"Why, what's wrong? Is everything all right at home?"  
  
"Uh, no." Ranma said, taking a tentative step into the world of fibbing. His eyes widened as Ukyo entered comfort-Ranchan-with-hugs-that- would-lead-to-his-death-by-the-hands-of-Akane mode. "I mean, yes." Lying was never a good option since he was sadly lacking in that department. "Everything is fine. But today is really not a good day for you to be around me."  
  
He winced as Ukyo drew back, hurt. "Ok." She stood up clumsily and rushed away. "No, Ucchan, I didn't mean..." Ranma stared after her wordlessly.  
  
Damn, oh, damn. Akane, you better get over here soon. Make everything all right.  
  
***  
  
Akane sighed. "What is it Hiroshi?"  
  
"I need your advice."  
  
She stared at him in surprise. "What?" She didn't even know Hiroshi that well. Except for the fact that they were seatmates in biology.  
  
"I know it's sudden, but you're the only one left..."  
  
"Left?" She narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Well, you aren't exactly the best person to ask advice from considering your relationship... with... Ranma," Hiroshi trailed off curiously. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, keep going." She gritted out angrily.  
  
"You see, there's this girl that I really like." He stopped and gave her a meaningful look.  
  
After a long silence, Akane finally sighed. "Who is it?"  
  
"Junko."  
  
Her brows shot up in surprise. "Does she know you like her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Uh, have you tried hinting at it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Anonymously giving her flowers and chocolates and stuff?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Shouldn't you have tried all this before asking your "last resort" for advice?"  
  
"Hey, I never said you were my last resort! Just, well, that you're the only one left. Oh, all right, you're my last resort."  
  
"Well, you didn't have to admit it so easily..." Akane twitched slightly.  
  
"What should I do?"  
  
"I don't know, I can't think right now." She checked her watch. She was already too late for lunch with Ranma. "Tell you what, you can over to my house this afternoon and we'll talk about it. Ok?"  
  
"Really?" Hiroshi grinned. "Thanks Akane, you're the best!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." She muttered as she hurried outside.  
  
***  
  
"Sorry, I'm late." She smiled apologetically at Ranma.  
  
Ranma smiled stiffly. "That's ok."  
  
Akane winced lightly. "Is something wrong?" She asked cautiously.  
  
"Nothing. Nothing at all."  
  
They spent most of their lunch in silence before Akane spoke. "You can tell me, you know..."  
  
Yeah, right. You'd probably say it's because I was encouraging Ukyo that I ended up hurting her.  
"No. You wouldn't understand."  
  
Ranma's statement flared her anger. "Fine," She said, struggling to regain her patience. "Fine..."  
  
Ranma put down his chopsticks and looked at Akane. She was staring across the courtyard, her mouth fixed in an angry little line and her fists were clenched. He could tell she was struggling to control her temper, and from the looks of it, failing. He smiled slightly. At least she's making an effort. "Look, Akane. I'm sorry. It's just that—"  
  
He was cut off by Kodachi. "Ohohohohohohoho, Ranma-sama! I brought you lunch." She flitted around and the next thing he knew, she had her arms tightly secured around him. Behind her, a dozen chefs in full attire, complete with fluffy hats, were setting down scrumptious-looking food on the blanket spread out in front of him. Before Ranma could even start salivating, Akane had hit him over the head, called him an idiot, cursed Kodachi, and stalked away.  
  
This is perfect. Just perfect.  
  
***  
  
The dark-haired boy glanced at his companion worriedly. "Can you not see what's happening before our very eyes?" The girl poked her head around the tree they were hiding behind and, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she sighed. "No, tell me."  
  
He threw an exasperated look at her, or more correctly, at the back of her brunette head. "It's obvious, isn't it?"  
  
She pulled her head back and snapped at him. "No, it isn't. Tell me!"  
  
He stared at her, obviously trying to keep calm. "They're starting to like each each other," He said, turning away.  
  
"What?"  
  
"They're falling in love!" He shouted at her, sending nearby birds in a fluttering chaos of feathers. "Can't you see? The way they look at each other, they way they look at other people when other people look at the other!" He was in a frenzy, storming around, kicking up grass, and not making any sense. His companion eyed him cooly, suppressing the internal urge to break out in sweat.  
  
"Ranma and Akane?"  
  
The boy, winded, sighed in defeat. "Yes."  
  
She crossed her arms and leaned against the tree that concealed them. "How do you know all this? Do you have proof?" Analytical thinking was what she was known for, and she wasn't making any moves until she knew all the facts.  
  
He threw her an irritated look. "Just because I talk funny sometimes doesn't mean I'm stupid. How come you don't know this information? You're her sister! Not to mention the nosiest person in Furinkan history."  
  
Nabiki threw him a look that plainly said, don't push your luck. "I apologize for not spying on my sister 24/7 like an obsessive prevert that I happen to know." She smiled with pleasure as she watched Kuno turn several shades of crimson.  
  
"Forget about that. I need your help."  
  
Nabiki sighed inwardly and thought, you always need my help, before quirking a brow, and appearing nonplussed. "You want me to help you steer things in the wrong direction." It was more a statement than a question.  
  
"Yes. I'll give you ten thousand yen."  
  
Her eyes sparkled at the offer but her smile was laced with cold calculation. "Twenty-five thousand."  
  
Kuno hesitated, "Twenty thousand."  
  
She shook her head and turned to walk away.  
  
"Wait."  
  
Nabiki smiled, and could almost feel Kuno's panic.  
  
He closed his eyes with a pained expression. "Ok. Twenty-five thousand."  
  
"I'll think about it." Nabiki tossed over her shoulder as she headed back to school. 


End file.
